Yesterday I biked downtown for a “Strength and Agility Test” at the
Hennepin County Medical Examiner’s office. I am applying to be an
investigative assistant there, so I had to show up and prove I could
lift 100 pounds. Corpses can be heavy, and I’ve learned that people
often die in inconvenient places.
For example: when you’re old and constipated, you bear down hard on
the toilet because you’re trying to poo. All the blood leaves your
head, and when you stand up, you faint. The fainting itself would
normally not kill you, but you may hit your head on the porcelain
toilet and get real crammed and dead in there between the toilet and
the bathtub. Then I (in my future job) will come and pick you up, for
twelve dollars an hour. I won’t get paid per corpse, but rather by
hour.
This is just one possible scenario among many that make a “Strength
and Agility Test” so necessary.
Anyway, I volunteered to go first. I picked up the weight, went down
the hallway, up the stairs, and back down again. The other guy passed,
too. The girl failed and was told, “You can try again next year.” I
imagine she’ll just find another job instead, though, rather than lift
weights for a whole year. It’s only twelve bucks an hour, after all.
After that, Amy and I went to the Central Library’s book sale and
bought some books. We’re good friends. We do other stuff, too, besides
just being friends. She bought me a book on growing bonsai trees, and
it’s completely in French.
Those are two of my favorite things, French and bonsai trees. I am not
yet fluent in French, though, and I have not yet grown a bonsai tree.
I have, however, been researching them for some time.
I doubt either of those skills will come in handy for my job at the
Medical Examiner’s. I should probably just start lifting weights
instead. Corpses can be heavy.
pseudoisaac 