To Kurt

Kurt, you’re my reading companion both morning and eve.

Where you pass on the coffee but gulp down the beer.

You peek sniffingly from my sleeve,

Then return to my warmth so endearingly near.

You eat whenever and whatever I eat:

Oatmeal, fruits, jelly and grains.

But also Cheetos, chocolate, pizza and sweets.

(Let’s just call it food for our brains.)

You’ll eat ABC gum with delectation,

Yet reject the fresh bits.

You attract women to conversation,

And then pee on their dress.

You are a scourge to civilization,

A greedy, hungrily intrepid contriver.

Yet by true genetic revelation,

We are such kindred mammalian survivors.

Lapping up snot with haste,

Chewing band-aids, laying turds.

For a creature with such tastes,

You preen yourself like a bird!

But Kurt, my friend, I can taste my grief,

For I know a rat’s time is brief.

Your quirks and warmth and health, my friend,

Have but two years before they end.