11 May 2011
Is “mushroom hunting” a code word for “anonymous homosexual encounter in a public park”?
I ask because the other day, in Theodore Wirth Park, I was walking along the trails on an afternoon birding expedition when a bald guy of about 35 years approached me and struck up a conversation. He was wearing a bright flowery button-up shirt, jeans, a jacket and loafers. He looked like an average Joe and seemed only a little bit odd, as might anyone who engages you unexpectedly. I was wearing a black hoodie, jeans, I had my binoculars around my neck, and my hood over my head because a faint rain was coming down.
He said, “You know, it sure is a good day for mushroom hunting,” and waited for my response.
“Oh, I suppose so,” I said, “but I don’t know, I think I would be afraid of picking one of the poisonous ones, the ones the make you puke or die, you know.”
“Oh, well,” he said, “you just gotta find the edible ones,” and this last part he said as he looked me up and down and made sort of a slurping sound with his mouth. All of a sudden it struck me that everything we said could be misconstrued as a double entendre so I made a couple of sheepish parting remarks ending with an idiotic “Well, see ya later!” and left. I walked toward the parking lot and continued hiking in the more public section of the preserve on the other side of Theodore Wirth Parkway.
In retrospect I realize it was a rainy day, gloomy and not good for wildlife viewing (Though I did see a mourning warbler that day – a first for me). I also had my hood up. I now know where to go for gay sex, since craigslist is not to be trusted. I wonder why women don’t seek out anonymous sex in public… Hmm. Too bad.
I also realized that birding is the perfect cover for this type of rendez-vous. You are alone and walking in secluded corners of parks and preserves. I can imagine the following encounter: “But officer, I was just bird watching!”
“Oh yeah? And what were you looking for, the secretive public sodomy-bird? Hands behind your head, pal.”
pseudoisaac 