Journal
24 May 11
I am wholly undeserving of the trust and affection my grandma has for me
Grandma loves me. I do simple favors for her of the kind any relative would do for any relative. She is over 90 years old so I drive her to the bank, go through her mailings to throw out the scams, and call the telephone company when it is obvious they are overcharging her for services she never uses. As I drive her or make to leave she looks up at me with her loving blue eyes and repeats, in a perseverative way, how much she appreciates it and how I am such a big help and it is so good to have a grandson who looks out for her.
I think about how nice it is to be of help to her, yet inside me I nurse a secret malice. If I could press a button and vaporize 95 percent of the people on the planet, I would do it in an instant. If I could, unbeknownst to them, sterilize and release people on a massive scale, as wildlife officials do to control some invasive animals, I would do so. I would wipe out the vast majority of greedy, imbecile humanity in order to reverse the global age of extinction now underway. Wildlife would flourish, the population explosion would cease, global carbon emissions would be decimated, and future generations would be protected. The reset button would be activated and there would be no rapaciousness this time around. If I could, I would dash the heads of all the slobbering, filthy infants upon rocks, put a bullet to the heads of their mothers and fathers, and mow down almost seven billion people. I would sit atop the bloody heap and smile and the world would be a better place without so many damned breeding apes.
But all that is just a passing thought. Grandma doesn’t know about that. I dismiss her laudatory remarks and say it’s nothing, don’t be silly, it’s good to spend an afternoon with you, I don’t see you enough, and so on. I only go there like once a month, after all, it’s just so nice to be of any help, see ya later Grandma!
pseudoisaac 